Sylvester Stallone deserves another Oscar, this one for Making The Film That Needed To Be Made. Just as Kill Bill was made for we comic book geeks who like samurai films and westerns, The Expendables is the film for those of us who love action movies. It’s not perfect. It’s not revolutionary. It’s just that the idea of this film is exactly what our summer movie season needed…

If you want a romance with action, get the Princess Bride or Stardust. If you want werewolves versus vampires, get one of the Underworld films. If you want to see a dead Robert Pattinson, see Harry Potter. On the other hand, if you want a childishly-done cinematic farce that plays to the basest of teenaged girl emotions without one iota of real storytelling to back it up. . .

Today we are inundated with remakes, sequels and attempts to draw on the creative efforts of previous generations. To make a film out of something as iconic as the A-Team could just as soon bite you on the ass as endear you to fans…

I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to rant. It’s not about Schumacher or Bay or Seth Rogen’s overexposure or anything like that. It’s just generally griping about what’s happening these days in movies. It’s not plots. It’s just generic junk about movies…

I know that I normally talk about zombies and other geeky goodness. I watch other films, though, and occasionally (as with Malèna) I find one so remarkable that I’m compelled to share it. The multiple aspects of the film – story, direction, cinematography, cast, music – all combined to make something that was truly special.

The director loves zombie films. It’s obvious. It’s like when Eli Roth did Cabin Fever – you could see the love and the homage paid to those who had gone before him. This guy LOVES the undead and he LOVES the gore and he LOVES being able to make money by showing you his story.

Short version? Great movie. Tired plot. Excellent storytelling. Awesome soundtrack. Cool effects. Twinkie love and Bill Murray. Atlanta natives join the ranks of the undead. Sweet…

It’s that time again, and all week building up to the Academy Awards ceremony on Sunday, the staff here at For the Retarded will give its picks of what they loved and hated in movie theaters in 2009. Baldy starts the week off this year with a list of what sucked and rocked.

J. J. Abrams again shows himself to be a master storyteller who has one hell of a story to tell. He made a movie that is gripping, insightful, imaginative, and compelling. He makes us form opinions about the characters and to WANT things to go one way or the other. Watching this film is not a passive experience. Abrams made this into something that sucks viewers in and makes them want to KNOW what happens next. . .

This movie has one thing going for it right off the bat. Remember how just the title of Snakes On A Plane made people decide whether or not they wanted to see it? Same thing here. Don’t like zombies? You’re on the wrong website. Don’t like strippers? Hey, I support single moms. Do you see? If you actually decide to watch the movie, you already know that you will at least like the IDEA of the movie…

Last year, here in Atlanta, a film was made that is near and dear to my heart. It’s Dance of the Dead. A high school prom is attacked by zombies and the only people who can save the attendees are those people who couldn’t get dates. How beautiful a setup is that?…

God bless Netflix. I sign up, I spend ridiculous numbers of hours telling it which movies I like and don’t like. I rate the movies it sends me, I watch movies online, I get put onto new and interesting things…

Do zombies crave human flesh? What is the black market product that they keep in the fridge? What do they do at Live Dead that makes them prohibit all but a few living humans? Are they content just to continue being until they decay and disappear?…

When Netflix suggested that I might enjoy this one, I thought “Shoot, even if it stank, I would get to look at Monica Bellucci.”…

I had meant to do this by Halloween, but it just didn’t happen. I was very fortunate to view two very memorable and distinctive movies during the month of October. Both made enough of an impression that I wanted to pass them along…

Well, the book(s) came out in 1986 and 1987. The movie has been in on-again, off-again production status for twenty one years. It’s been a long time coming. I remember wearing a Comedian smiley face pin back in junior high, people spraying “Who Watches The Watchmen?” graffiti in MARTA stations – kind of my generation’s version of “Frodo Lives!” How do you take the most acclaimed graphic novel of all time and make a movie of it…

My sixteen year old went to see I Am Legend last week and raved about it. Tonight, my brain hurt and I had time on my hands and a buddy from work offered to buy, so we took off for a little escapism.
First, though. . . PREVIEWS!
SEMI-PRO – Will Farrell has found his niche, and that niche is in the seventies. He’s playing the owner of a B-rate basketball team that might get absorbed by the NBA. It also has Woody Harrelson. It might be funny. …

I’m 33 years old. For the guys my age, there are certain films that are sacrosanct. The original Star Wars, Red Dawn, Weird Science. . . and Superman. I still remember going to see it back in 1978 with my elderly Aunt Eve – and I realize now what a weird and huge sacrificial act that must have been on her part…

I am a James Bond fan. Seriously. I have the James Bond edition of Monopoly. I had my Sean Connery imitation down before I was a teenager. I appreciated Connery, tolerated Moore, reveled in Lazenby, loved Dalton, and controlled my gag reflex with Brosnan…