For the Retarded - a very "special" look at Movies, Comics, Games, Wrestling, and more!

Watchmen 2 [?] [!]

Phantom Troublemaker — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:21:13 +0000

Keep in mind that I don’t know nothin’ about nothin’, but the rumor mill has it that these pursuits would include new Watchmen media up to and including prequel comics, sequel comics, new animation (likely under DC’s excellent straight-to-DVD production banner), novels, toys, stuffed animals, video games and a line of Underoos. I might have made some of those up...

Iron Man (2008)

Keeferman — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 07:52:16 +0000

How do you cast Tony Stark without Robert Downey Jr.? Anybody who knows the Marvel Universe and knows American pop culture KNOWS that the character Robert Downey Jr. = the character Tony Stark. They're the same person. You can't not have Robert Downey Jr...

Phantom Troublemaker Goes to the Royal Rumble!

Phantom Troublemaker — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:05:44 +0000

I fucking hate downtown Atlanta. It’s dirty and gross and you run into all sorts of mean, rude fucking assholes down there. The traffic is terrible and the roads don’t make any fucking sense. Plus, you’re about fifty times more likely to get mugged and raped by a transvestite crack whore than you are anywhere outside of the perimeter. I personally believe that you have to be out of your fucking mind to live down there if you are over the age of twenty-five, despite having several close friends who are voluntarily in exactly that situation and who I’m reasonably sure are of sound mind...

The 82nd Academy Awards: Predictions and Pontifications

Gnoll — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:22:27 +0000

It's been several years since I've done one of these things. In this site's former life as Movie Criticism for the Retarded, this was an annual event for a while, but this is the first time in three years that I've churned out my (usually wildly incorrect) predictions of how the Oscars will pan out this year...

Dance of the Dead (2008)

Baldy — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:18:00 +0000

Last year, here in Atlanta, a film was made that is near and dear to my heart. It's Dance of the Dead. A high school prom is attacked by zombies and the only people who can save the attendees are those people who couldn't get dates. How beautiful a setup is that?...

An Open Letter to Horror Movie Directors

TB — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 22:26:04 +0000

Feigning credibility by pretending your film and idea is real does not work. People such as Whitley Strieber and Richard Hoagland may echo my sentiment when I beg you to stop pretending your great spooky idea may be based on real events. There is a genre called science fiction and horror for a reason. The operative word there is fiction. Just because you shoot something in first person doc style with a handheld and infrared does not warrant true story...

TV Review – Spartacus: Blood and Sand

Phantom Troublemaker — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 05:26:46 +0000

What I’m trying to say here is if you liked any or all of the above but thought they’d be a lot better if they had a billion percent more gore, full-frontal nudity and use of the words “fuck”, “cock” and even the dreaded “c-word that shall not be named” then you should stop reading this right now and order STARZ...

Unbreakable (2000)

Keeferman — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:55:15 +0000

First, let me acknowledge how amazing The Dark Knight was. It was amazing. Heath Ledger wasn’t overhyped, he was actually that amazing. Amazingly, Gary Oldman wasn’t underutilized this time around. Christian Bale, even with all the hoarse whispering, is still the best Batman evar. The script (and its execution) was sophisticated. Amazing as it was though, it’s not the best superhero movie ever...

Six-String Samurai (1998)

Baldy — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 05:41:21 +0000

God bless Netflix. I sign up, I spend ridiculous numbers of hours telling it which movies I like and don't like. I rate the movies it sends me, I watch movies online, I get put onto new and interesting things...

Phantom Troublemaker Goes to Hollywood (sort of): The Director’s Cut

Phantom Troublemaker — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 18:50:29 +0000

I originally posted this earlier last year, right around the time it happened. We were specifically told not to post anything online about the experience. I kept everything nice and vague and posted it here. Now, at last, the truth can be told in its entirety. I was an extra in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2. I don’t even know if I’ll be in the final cut or not, but here’s what went down...