Here it is, folks! The For the Retarded Braintrust has given their picks for the best and worst of 2009, and here is the result of the Tardie Collective! Now we can get back to your regularly scheduled retardedness.

The last of the individual best and worst Lists for 2009 is here. The webmaster weighs in on his picks on day seven of this eight-day extended Tardie Week. Tune in Monday for the collective Tardie Awards!

The story was simple: I asked the staff at For the Retarded for their picks in an e-mail, urging expediency since I was trying to compile this stuff ASAP. Within what seemed like a millisecond, Bobby turned his picks around and had them to me. Enjoy day six of Tardie Week!

The Friday Tardie update comes from For the Retarded’s own Hollywood inside man, Chad. His “Fuck the Oscars” list has become an (almost) annual tradition here, and this year’s list is sure not to disappoint.

Today’s update is short. Really short. In fact, the intro portion of the post will probably be longer than the content of the post itself. But we welcome Jay’s input as well as Tardie Week just keeps on chugging along.

It’s day three of Tardie Week, and today The Phantom Troublemaker throws out his picks from behind the green and purple mask.

Tardie Week just keeps rolling along! On day two, TB tosses out his picks of what was good and bad on the big screen, as well as some insight on the small screen as well. Dig in to the Tardie goodness!

It’s that time again, and all week building up to the Academy Awards ceremony on Sunday, the staff here at For the Retarded will give its picks of what they loved and hated in movie theaters in 2009. Baldy starts the week off this year with a list of what sucked and rocked.

This list was a little easier than the one about movies that should die. The only tough part here was trimming it down to ten. One major difference between the two lists is that I am going to step up and list my favorites in order of preference. Any time I am writing something like this I use a simple “would I rather” system; as in, “Would I rather watch Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie or Citizen Kane?” Obviously, GPK moves further up the list…

J. J. Abrams again shows himself to be a master storyteller who has one hell of a story to tell. He made a movie that is gripping, insightful, imaginative, and compelling. He makes us form opinions about the characters and to WANT things to go one way or the other. Watching this film is not a passive experience. Abrams made this into something that sucks viewers in and makes them want to KNOW what happens next. . .

While HANCOCK might not sound like a superhero name, you quickly get used to it. The primary thing the movie has going for it (beyond Charlize Theron) is that it’s a little different. It’s not “different” in the bizarre or surreal way that movie snobs require when you use the word, but it’s definitely different from most movies of the genre…

I have a wretchedly boring job that occurs in twelve hour shifts, so I am somewhat prolific against my will. I want to entertain, but my main motivation is making time go by. This means that there is not much of an editorial process between my brain and my fingers. What you read is pretty much how the thought occurred to me. My facts may not always be right and my tone certainly may not always be nice, but I think it is more fun for everybody if you get honest, unfiltered me. Except, of course, for the fact that I write from under a mask and a silly pseudonym…

This movie has one thing going for it right off the bat. Remember how just the title of Snakes On A Plane made people decide whether or not they wanted to see it? Same thing here. Don’t like zombies? You’re on the wrong website. Don’t like strippers? Hey, I support single moms. Do you see? If you actually decide to watch the movie, you already know that you will at least like the IDEA of the movie…

The For the Retarded Podcast is back, baby! In this first episode in nearly three years, hosts Gnoll and TB discuss a wide variety of topics. Plus, we bring back the For the Retarded Haiku Corner, debut the Ninety Second Nutshell, and discuss the possibility of the future of For the Retarded Radio! It’s 62 minutes of aural ecstasy…

 

 For the Retarded Podcast 7 [62:32m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

There are few vehicles from the Star Wars universe that are more iconic than the TIE Fighter. Sure, the Millennium Falcon may get the most love, and Rebel ships like the X-Wing are up there in popularity too, but nothing else really is really more identifiable more than those sleek, compact little bastards that swarmed our heroes in countless space battles from the original Star Wars Trilogy…

After months of anticipation I finally got to see the result of the grueling sixteen hour day that I worked on the set of Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2. It was about five minutes of action in the middle of a bunch of other stuff. Here’s what I thought of it all…

Keep in mind that I don’t know nothin’ about nothin’, but the rumor mill has it that these pursuits would include new Watchmen media up to and including prequel comics, sequel comics, new animation (likely under DC’s excellent straight-to-DVD production banner), novels, toys, stuffed animals, video games and a line of Underoos. I might have made some of those up…

How do you cast Tony Stark without Robert Downey Jr.? Anybody who knows the Marvel Universe and knows American pop culture KNOWS that the character Robert Downey Jr. = the character Tony Stark. They’re the same person. You can’t not have Robert Downey Jr…

I fucking hate downtown Atlanta. It’s dirty and gross and you run into all sorts of mean, rude fucking assholes down there. The traffic is terrible and the roads don’t make any fucking sense. Plus, you’re about fifty times more likely to get mugged and raped by a transvestite crack whore than you are anywhere outside of the perimeter. I personally believe that you have to be out of your fucking mind to live down there if you are over the age of twenty-five, despite having several close friends who are voluntarily in exactly that situation and who I’m reasonably sure are of sound mind…

It’s been several years since I’ve done one of these things. In this site’s former life as Movie Criticism for the Retarded, this was an annual event for a while, but this is the first time in three years that I’ve churned out my (usually wildly incorrect) predictions of how the Oscars will pan out this year…