[3 Dec 2010 by Baldy | 2 Comments | ]
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1

Okay, it was opening weekend for the biggest golden goose Hollywood has ever seen. Much as it galls some folks to admit, the premiere weekend for the last (kind of) Harry Potter flick ranks right up there with Star Wars for hype and anticipation…

Read the full story »

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[29 Oct 2010 by Gnoll | 3 Comments | ]
The Top Ten Worst “Sexy” Halloween Costume Variants

s it’s almost Halloween, I’m sure you’re planning on getting dressed up in your favorite costume and hitting some festivities this weekend. If so, you’re probably anticipating the ever-poular trend of young ladies using the holiday as an excuse to bare as much flesh as possible…

Articles »

[22 Oct 2010 by Keeferman | 2 Comments | ]
Breaking Dead

Okay, so, everybody loves zombies, right? Yeah. So, not too long ago, as i was going to work, i saw some. Really. No, i mean REALLY really.
i work in downtown Atlanta. At the Internet factory. When you have to be to work before 8 AM on a Sunday, you expect the city to be dead quiet. You do NOT, however, expect the breakfasting pedestrians to be dead too. But there they were. Actually, it was the overturned, burned-out bus i saw first. For a second i wondered if I’d missed …

Movie Reviews »

[13 Aug 2010 by Baldy | 5 Comments | ]
The Expendables (2010)

Sylvester Stallone deserves another Oscar, this one for Making The Film That Needed To Be Made. Just as Kill Bill was made for we comic book geeks who like samurai films and westerns, The Expendables is the film for those of us who love action movies. It’s not perfect. It’s not revolutionary. It’s just that the idea of this film is exactly what our summer movie season needed…

Movie Reviews, Reviews »

[23 Jul 2010 by Baldy | 2 Comments | ]
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (yay sparkly vampires!)

If you want a romance with action, get the Princess Bride or Stardust. If you want werewolves versus vampires, get one of the Underworld films. If you want to see a dead Robert Pattinson, see Harry Potter. On the other hand, if you want a childishly-done cinematic farce that plays to the basest of teenaged girl emotions without one iota of real storytelling to back it up. . .

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Top <strike>Ten</strike> <i>Thirteen</i> Movies To Enjoy on Independence Day

These aren’t necessarily movies about patriotism or America’s greatness, they’re just movies that I think are specifically appropriate to this weekend. Movies that, while you’re watching them, will inspire you to say, “America… fuck, yeah!”…

Movie Reviews »

[16 Jun 2010 by Baldy | 2 Comments | ]
The A-Team

Today we are inundated with remakes, sequels and attempts to draw on the creative efforts of previous generations. To make a film out of something as iconic as the A-Team could just as soon bite you on the ass as endear you to fans…

Articles »

[9 Jun 2010 by Baldy | 5 Comments | ]
Just Bitching About Movies

I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to rant. It’s not about Schumacher or Bay or Seth Rogen’s overexposure or anything like that. It’s just generally griping about what’s happening these days in movies. It’s not plots. It’s just generic junk about movies…

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[11 May 2010 by Phantom Troublemaker | 4 Comments | ]
The Top Ten Junk Shots in Cinema History

Is this gay? Maybe a little, but somehow TB and I stumbled across the concept during a phone conversation about Skype. It seemed really funny at the time, and what with the king of dick jokes being kicked off a plane for his unseemly girth I thought it a timely topic. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch. Regardless, here’s your penises…

Reviews »

[23 Apr 2010 by Phantom Troublemaker | No Comment | ]
TV Review: Doctor Who – The Eleventh Hour

Thanks to the fact that David Tennant was kind enough to end his run as everybody’s favorite Time Lord with a series of awesome episodes that were ultimately pretty big downers, I was way more excited for this new Doctor than I would have expected. As great as Tennant’s final telemovies are, they were kind of exhausting to watch, what with the pall of his imminent departure hanging over them…

Reviews »

[19 Apr 2010 by Keeferman | No Comment | ]
Kick-Ass (2010)

If you can’t already tell from all the extra preview minutes of the many trailers (And if you haven’t seen ‘em, don’t SPOILER it for yourself), this movie really belongs to Hit-Girl. Whereas Nick Cage comes off a little cheesy (I admit: appropriately so), and the titular hero spends as much time getting kicked as he does any kicking himself, the supposedly-junior superhero is the one who ends up getting all your attention…

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[15 Apr 2010 by Phantom Troublemaker | No Comment | ]
Doctor Who’s Greatest Hits

I was going to write a history of Doctor Who, but Wikipedia has a done a perfectly good job of that already. After abandoning that idea, I started a piece about why I loved the show so much. I got a couple of paragraphs in and realized my posts throughout the week would pretty much cover that.

So today I bring you, The Retarded, a list of the ten very best episodes of Doctor Who; with a special treat at the end for those who make it. It ain’t Jelly Babies, but it’s something.

Reviews »

[12 Apr 2010 by Baldy | 2 Comments | ]
The Legend of 1900 (1998)

I know that I normally talk about zombies and other geeky goodness. I watch other films, though, and occasionally (as with Malèna) I find one so remarkable that I’m compelled to share it. The multiple aspects of the film – story, direction, cinematography, cast, music – all combined to make something that was truly special.

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[2 Apr 2010 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]
The Top 10 Biggest Disco Cash-ins by Rock Musicians

If you’re not aware of it, by 1979, there was so much disco on pop radio that you could probably count the number of non-disco songs on one hand that hit the number one spot. And during those formative years for the disco genre, many established musicians decided to cash in with disco tunes of their own…

Reviews »

[31 Mar 2010 by Baldy | No Comment | ]
Evil (Το Κακό) (2005)

The director loves zombie films. It’s obvious. It’s like when Eli Roth did Cabin Fever – you could see the love and the homage paid to those who had gone before him. This guy LOVES the undead and he LOVES the gore and he LOVES being able to make money by showing you his story.

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[27 Mar 2010 by Gnoll | 2 Comments | ]
The Best and Worst Celebrity Guests in WrestleMania History

Celebrities have been a tradition for a quarter of a century at WrestleMania. Sometimes the results of the celebrity appearance turn out a little better than others. Here’s a list of the best and worst WrestleMania celebrities…

Podcasts »

[26 Mar 2010 by Gnoll | One Comment | ]
For the Retarded Podcast Special Edition!

It’s a special ALL-WRESTLEMANIA edition of the For the Retarded Podcast! Gnoll and The Phantom Troublemaker run their mouths on the world of fake sports, touching on the following:

A recap of this past week’s Monday Night Raw.
A rundown of this weekend’s WrestleMania.
Predictions, praise, and gripes.
An exciting visit from a special guest!
Easter Egg outtakes!

Plus, we bring back the For the Retarded Haiku Corner, present a tribute to our favorite dead head-butting schizophrenic performance artist, and bring back the 90 second nutshell! It’s 82 minutes of aural ecstasy!

 
icon for podpress  For the Retarded Podcast #9 (Wrestlemania Spectacular) [82:24m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (5039)

Music Credits: “Ochre …

Articles »

[25 Mar 2010 by Phantom Troublemaker | One Comment | ]
A Brief History of Wrestling Toys

’ve been collecting toys pretty much since I was a kid. It all started with Star Wars, then a bit of He-Man. GI Joe will always be the big toy love of my life. When Joe waned in the 90’s, I got into Ninja Turtles and then the Batman: The Animated Series stuff. Things have just sort of snowballed since then, what with the collector boom in the mid-90s

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[23 Mar 2010 by Phantom Troublemaker | 6 Comments | ]
Top Ten Movies Featuring Wrestlers

You’ll notice this isn’t “Top Ten Movies Starring Wrestlers”. If it was, the list would be a bunch of Rock movies and They Live. Flicks with wrestlers above the title don’t tend to be all that great – No Holds Barred, anybody? No? How about Sting’s movie? Did anybody even see that one…

Articles »

[22 Mar 2010 by Gnoll | 3 Comments | ]
Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned from Professional Wrestling

In order to prepare for WrestleMania 26, We’ll be doing some stuff this week that relates to that guiltiest of pleasures: the “sport” of professional wrestling. And while I’ve made some vague attempts to justify my being a fan of this art form for a quarter century now, I thought that it might help my cause if I demonstrated some of the actual bits of knowledge I managed to obtain as a wrestling fan…

Movie Reviews »

[19 Mar 2010 by Baldy | 2 Comments | ]
Zombieland (2009)

Short version? Great movie. Tired plot. Excellent storytelling. Awesome soundtrack. Cool effects. Twinkie love and Bill Murray. Atlanta natives join the ranks of the undead. Sweet…