THE TOP TEN LINES FROM ZOMBIE MOVIES
by Beth Van Dusen

With all of the zombie madness around here I thought it fitting to compile a little list of the best lines you may or may not remember from the zombie genre. If you haven’t seen one of these movies, perhaps you’ll be inspired to check it out. If you have seen them all then you can enjoy some nostalgia, and affectionately remember all of the decapitations and blood-spray that these fine films have given us over the years.

"10. Don’t let them bury me. I’m not dead!" – The Serpent and the Rainbow

I don’t usually go for the voodoo zombies, but this was a pretty good movie. The idea of being buried alive is just as scary as any zombie, and this scene always gives me a little chill.

9. "Get that damn screwdriver out of my head!" – Return of the Living Dead 2

The Return of the Living Dead series offers up lots of gory comedy, but this is the best line of all three movies.

8. "Yeah, they’re dead. They’re all messed up." – Night of the Living Dead

The redneck sheriff delivers this line with such deadpan seriousness that I laugh every time I hear it. Not the most memorable line from the movie, but it’s my favorite.

7. "Eat a bowl of fuck. I am here to party!" – Night of the Demons

No one ever does eat a bowl of fuck, but they do party. And then they die.

6. "We got this by the ass!" – Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Quite possibly the dumbest thing said in any movie ever, but oh so funny. They do not, in fact, have anything “by the ass” since the zombies soon have them by the throats.

5. "At a certain point in your life you realize you know more dead people than living." – Cemetery Man

This Italian “zomedy” is a must see for any fan of the dead. It’s funny as hell, bloody, and gives us Rupert Everett’s best performance ever.

4. "I kick ass for the lord!" - Dead Alive

Some people don’t realize that Peter Jackson made movies before The Lord of the Rings (I try not be around these people, but they are out there). I recommend Heavenly Creatures, Meet the Feebles, and the gruesome fun of Dead Alive.

3. "Good, bad, I’m the guy with the gun." – Army of Darkness

With so many great one-liners in this movie it was hard to narrow it down to the best. The only reason this one wins out is that the “boomstick” line is funnier when you hear the whole speech that goes with it.

2. "Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?" – Shaun of the Dead

Just about every bit of dialogue in this movie is funny. I could quote entire scenes that had me laughing out loud. I was really disappointed when I heard that they weren’t going to do a sequel. I would happily shell out $9 of my hard earned money to keep seeing Shaun’s wacky zombie adventures.

1. "They’re coming to get you Barbara." – Night of the Living Dead

I didn’t intend to use two lines from the same movie, but the sheriff’s line was just too good to leave out. And there was no way that this line couldn’t be at the top of the list. This is the most well-known and quotable line in the movie. Even people who aren’t fans of zombies (another group I try to avoid) use this line when they’re trying to be scary. It may not have much effect on you the 500th time you hear it, but I bet it did the first time. Despite some questionable decisions later in his career, Romero made damn sure that we would always remember this movie fondly.